Thursday, October 9, 2008

jack's eyes . . .

 . . . are so alive.  They are dark . . .almost black -- which he gets from his father-- yet so full of light and warmth -- which his father says he gets from me.  I spend a lot of time looking into those eyes.  I gaze into those eyes as they lock in on me for hours a day as we breastfeed. Sometimes while he is playing I just watch his eyes.  They are so expressive and at the same time he has the amazing ability to be so still in his eyes and observe the world around him.  

Today we went to see his eye doctor.  I am learning so much about vision - -things I took for granted so far in my life that my son never will.  The doctor is hopeful that he will have 20/20 vision -- with his glasses --and that his depth perception is intact.  She can test his eyes to see what prescription he needs but she cannot test his depth perception yet, as that requires some substantial feedback from him.  But, since his eyes have been aligned correctly for some time now--thanks to the glasses-- and since his prescription is fairly equal in both eyes, she expects very little problems with depth perception.  

His prescription has not changed since we first took him to see her at three months old.   She tells me this is also a good thing.  Apparently, the vision in babies with eye problems often gets dramatically worse in those first few years.  

She discovered a slight stigmatism in one eye that she had not seen before.  She said that mild stigmatism like his is very common in people with vision problems.  It is nothing to worry about unless it were to get dramatically worse, which she does not expect to happen.

I pray everyday that our son will always, somehow, be able to see the world around him clearly. I also thank God that we caught this so early and thus set him up for the best case scenario in his situation.  I am grateful for our very attentive pediatrician and our incredibly thorough and gentle opthamologist.  And I am grateful for our little trooper.  I remember how much I hated having my eyes dilated the one time I had to have that done.  He has had his eyes dilated five times already in his 14 months of life.

As I wrote a few days ago, he now gets excited when he sees his glasses and often hands them to me to put them on him.  He is very patient as he leans forward and waits for me to get them on him just right.  They seem almost like a part of him now . . . like a third arm or leg.  

Other people, of course, still find his glasses very interesting.  I have bored of telling people why he wears them and how they can tell what prescription he needs.  Don't get me wrong -- I completely understand their curiosity.  But answering that question ten or more times a day for the last eleven months has taken a toll on me and the toll is that I find the questions incredibly mundane at this point.  

I considered typing up a card with the basic "FAQ's About My Son's Glasses".  Maybe if I am feeling real feisty one day, I'll do it.  

I think it comes down to this . . . his glasses help his eyes see better.  They are an extension of his eyes and not worth that much discussion.  There is a lot more to him than his eyes, although I agree they are some beautiful eyes.  And I guess what bugs me is that people talk like he cannot hear them or understand them but I know for a fact at this point that he can.  

The other side of that coin is that he handles the attention well and I think he even works it a little here and there.  So, who am I to say that it is a bad thing?   I will say that the uniqueness of the glasses on him reflects a much deeper uniqueness in him . . . and perhaps that is what people are responding to -- even if they don't know it.  

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