i happy to see you again

Lately Jack has started using this phrase a lot. I might have just returned from the store, papa might have just returned from a day at work, or sometimes it would seem like we had gone nowhere .... regardless he looks into our eyes, often coming over to give a hug in which he really holds on, and says, "I so happy to see you again, Mama (or Papa)." The other day we got into the car to go somewhere as a family after I had just returned from a few errands and this is what Jack said to me:

"You go store, Mama? You go store?"

"Yes, I went to a few stores."

"I could not find you Mama."

"Yes, I went to the store for a little while."

"You back Mama!"

"Yes, I'm back."

"I so happy to see you again, Mama."

Now, I do not know how those words leap off of the page but let me tell you -- in person they leap right out of his mouth and to my heart, like an arrow. His command of language is growing so quickly and yet its novelty and the necessary simplicity of how he expresses himself just says it perfectly. In fact I often cannot think of a better way to say the things he says. Nor can I imagine that I often speak in such an earnest and pure way as he does. Perhaps something to aspire to ... 'cause it sure does feel good on the receiving end. Maybe more of us should express ourselves like two and a half year olds once and awhile.

May 23rd

This past Sunday was May 23rd.

That morning I sat having my tea and watching Jack play in the backyard. He was lining up all of his animals, counting off to four, and breaking into song over and over again. He sings with such gusto (and volume). And he spends most of the day singing, especially lately. I thought to myself how his singing reminds me of my father and I wondered if dad was anything like this as a young boy. Then it hit me that is was my father's birthday. I tried to imagine my father sitting there in the backyard with Jack -- what fun they would have together (and how often and loudly they would sing together)...what a kick my dad would get out of Jack.

The memory of my father is no longer tangible exactly -- it feels more like a memory of a memory. But how I yearn to have him sit with my little boy in his lap at least one time...singing robustly and bouncing Jack on his knee - -the way he did me when I was a little girl.

Sometimes (quite often) Jack wants something he cannot have or at least cannot have at that very moment (which is the only moment he understands) and he will stand there in such agony and cry to me, "Mama, I want it ... I...want...it...Mama...I want it" -- long, drawn-out words full of tears and so much unfulfilled wanting.

And that is how I want a moment together with my father and my son. I want it...I...want...it.

Yet the answer is the same as what I often say to Jack: "I know you do. I know you want it. But you can't have it." And I can't. I can't have it.

Later in the day Jack was standing so close to me as I sat on the ground so that our faces were almost touching and he was laughing at something he had done and saying, "I funny, Mama. I funny." And I felt my dad's presence so clearly for a moment that looking into Jack's eyes I almost said out loud, "Are you in there, dad?"

A little later Jack and I were playing in the yard while Rigo was working away in the garage. Jack tackled me and laid down so that his head was right next to mine and then he put his little hand on my face and looked me right in the eyes and said, "We have to look, Mama. We have to look for it." And he turned his head to look up at the sky.

I am not sure what we were looking for exactly...My little man is full of laughter and mystery and love and passion and unexpected insights ... and a little piece of my dad.

my handsome gardeners

our yard and garden-to-be

our house-warming gifts from Aunt Sam and the first official harvest from our garden plot-to-be ...

so many roses...peach, pink, white and...

...the stars of the show as far as I am concerned -- these dusty lavender colored roses (the picture does not quite do them justice)...

three other flowers I love in our yard...

(ahh, so many shades of purple! These climbing vines with delicate little purple flowers sort of remind me of my mama's beloved periwinkle although I know they are something different -- just not sure what exactly. They are popping up all over the yard and I love them.)

These tall, erect plants with their luxurious red blossoms are so much more dramatic and beautiful in person and they have opened up even more since I took this photo. Again, I have got to find out exactly what these are.

Jack loves to run

He especially loves to run this specific loop around our park -- especially if there are "big guys" on scooters or bicycles to chase.

When the big guys rest, he wedges himself right in between them and rests too -- just one of the guys -- and then when they take off again, off he goes...

Other parents marvel at this little guy who does upwards of thirty laps around that park on any given day. The "big guys" aren't quite sure what to make of this little guy who thinks he is with them. But most days they tolerate him, which this mama appreciates.

closing day

I know, I know....I have been away for awhile. The thing is I decided early on in this home-buying process that one must save all creative energies for finding new and creative ways to worry that your loan might not fund. I joke, but it is sadly a very valid concern these days.

But enough about that! Because, lo and behold, our loan did get funded and yesterday we were handed the keys to our home. The three of us headed there for an impromptu early evening dinner and toasting of vino in our new backyard.

By the way, Rigo carried Jack through the front door and then he came back for me. Jack thought this was very funny.

Jack is not quite sure what to think about this "new house". He seems to really love it there but is always very happy to return to his home.

He is talking up a storm and loves nothing more these days than to help mama -- or especially papa -- with any task -- especially if it involves tools. He has already done a lot of work on the new house. We will be moving over the next week or so. We are oh-so-thrilled. More pictures to come...